What a lie that was in my last entry! I mean I still think about Josh sometimes. Jake I'm pretty much over. I think he will always be a player. And I think it will be a while before he leaves Bridgette. I used to like talking to Jake. I think I will always remember him. I had so much at his apt. this past summer. That's all in the past. I hope he is doing o.k. though.
Josh is a little different. We really had a verbal relationship. It was never physical, and that was good. I got really close to Josh. I told him everything! He was really there for me at times. I trusted him. I think I even had some love for him. I can't believe he's married! How am I supposed to feel? I know I don't want him, but I miss talking to him.
Nothing will ever be the same. Everything changes. I think I'm a much stronger person now. I hope I'm not as stupid as I was. If I could do things differently maybe I would. There are quite a few things I would want to change.
I'm now doing home bound schooling. It's where a teacher comes to your home to give you school work. I was skipping school so much that they made it this way. I hate it! I want to be at school now. This really sucks! I have so much work to do to catch up! It's not even funny!
I forgot to tell you that on Nov. 2nd I smoked pot during lunch. It was with this girl Sabrina, Kim, and a guy named Joe. We jumped a fence and then smoked out of Joe's bowl by the railroad tracks. Damn, it felt good! I wish I could do it again, but Joe is getting home schooled now. All he did was get high. He never went to his classes.
Jared from my class said he was getting pot on Monday. I'm not able to go to school then so no pot for me. It's so sad. I really want some pot to make me happy! I'm so depressed!
I'm writing to you now because I have no one to talk to. I'm crying right now. It seems to be something I do lately. I don't know what to do! I'm getting more and more depressed. I need help. I'm serious. I feel like I'm going crazy! I'm panicky. I have to go to work at the Pizza place in an hour. I don't know if I can do it. This is so stupid. I mean you are just a dairy. You can't do a damn thing!
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