"Are you a virgin?"

December 11th

The night I got to see Jake (This past Thursday), Kristi and I walked around town. Three 19 year old guys wanted us to party with them.  We ended up not going to their house. Instead we saw all the Christmas lights at Riverside Park. Later we went to the Gas Station. Jon was working there.
In my last journal I wrote about him, but I will write more. To make a long story short I met him this past summer at Riverside. I later went to his apt. He was with 3 guys. I was with Kim and Shane. I don't talk to Kim and Shane anymore.  I made out with Jon that night.
A few days later I had a family trip to Virginia. When I called the number when I got back, Jon's number was disconnected. When I saw Jon behind the counter at the Gas Station he gave me his new number. I really liked Jon. Now I'm so confused.
Jake called me and told me he wanted to come over at 11pm. In the mean time, Steve called me. I told him that I wanted to eventually lose my virginity to Jake. Steve didn't say it right away, but he told me that he would like to have me in bed.
Well, back to Jake. He came alright! My mom came down stairs right when Jake walked in the door. I didn't hear her come down. She said "Who are you? Janelle can't go any where!"
Jake didn't stay long, but he kissed me good bye.
My mom had this long talk with me. She asked me so many questions! I was so annoyed. She even asked me if I was a virgin. Of course I told her yes.
I really like Jake, but I don't know if he's the best guy to be with. I don't know anything anymore.
That first day I saw him he gave me a hug and pulled me onto his lap. What was I supposed to do? And then he kissed me and I didn't want to pull away. I just don't want to be alone. Jake makes me want to be alive! He's the only guy I don't get bored with. There is something inside of me telling me that I shouldn't trust him. I don't want to admit it, but I get this pain in my stomach when I know I shouldn't trust something or someone. I want to ignore it because I like him.  I don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone.