What do I want?

6-17

I left the high school I was going to in Virginia and now I’m back in Wisconsin for the summer. One day recently I went over to my Ex-boyfriend’s house to check my E-mails. His name is Dan. My Step-Dad banned from using the Internet for a week. I saw there were 2 emails from Dan.  They were both asking me out! I didn't t know what to say and I haven’t talked to him since. Meanwhile Josh keeps calling me. Today I realized I need some space from him. He is constantly emailing me. He is starting to smother me with attention. He says he doesn't rate girls on how pretty they are. He goes on eyes and smile. What does that mean? That I’m not pretty? People say that I’m pretty, but that comment did not make me feel pretty. In fact, he has never really told me that I look that good. He told me once that he thought I was cute. I’m so sick of him. The more I think about I want to run into Dan. Josh wants to meet me in Chicago when he comes up from Virginia. I’m having second thoughts about seeing him. I just want us to be friends. I should have told him before. For a while I was starting to like him. And I even thought I would like to go out with him. Everyone says, “He’s 20, and you are only 15!” At first I liked the attention and now I’m not so sure. People are right. We are so different in age. He seems sweet, but having him as my boyfriend would be a big leap. I have no idea what I got myself into. I definitely would not want people to judge me for dating a 20 year old. It’s just too much. I’m getting less confused by the minute. I can’t wait till I can write Josh an email. Maybe I will just use my Mom as an excuse as to why I can’t date him. Sometimes I wish there was a little button you could push that would tell you the answer to all your questions and help you make the right decision. Sometimes I wish God didn't give us so much freedom with our choices. I think we would have less complicated problems. Well at least things would be different.  All I can say is I could use some help on what to do about Josh.

 I need to figure out what I want and who I want to be. I need to figure out what choices will make me happy. The happier I am the easier it will be to love myself. This will lead to a better life for me in the end.