On the 25th of this month something bad happened. I wanted Dan to come out so we could talk. He wasn't coming out and I didn't know why. This his brother David came out and told me he was talking to his girlfriend Kelsy. I couldn't believe it! A couple weeks ago he wanted to go out with me! He wrote it in an email. What I forgot to tell you is that he deleted the emails because he saw me type in my password to my email account. I was mad that he did that. I finally got into his house. David helped me hold down Dan. I tried to kiss him, but he got away before I could. He went to call Kelsy to tell her that I wouldn't leave. Kelsy called me a Bitch. I grabbed the phone after Dan told me that she said that. I told her that she was the bitch and then Dan grabbed the phone back. She also said I had a big nose and she has never seen me! Only her friend saw me before. Kelsy wants to beat me up, but I doubt it will happen. Dan pushed me out the door and shut all the windows so he couldn't hear me. He has never been that mean to me before and I've known him since I was 10 years old. I don't know what came over me. I guess I just wanted to see how he would react.
I told Josh about it and now he is jealous. He wanted to be there for me. Now he is telling me how much he loves me. He said that if he has a little girl he wants her to be just like me. I don't know what to do anymore. Dan won't even talk to me now, and then I have another guy that claims he loves me. To tell you the truth I don't think Josh is really in love with me. I think his is just infatuated with me. Josh wants his first kiss with me in Chicago. I don't know how to handle things right now.
I found out that China is mad at America. I guess my dream of adopting a baby from that country may never happen. That makes me sad. I'm so scared of Childbirth. My Mom doesn't seem to listen to me anymore. Or maybe I'm just imaging things. Maybe I should just count my blessings and be happy. Sometimes it's just so hard to do that. I wish I knew my Dad better. I wish I was closer to God. I wish I loved myself. I wish I could just be happy. I wish I knew who I was. Sometimes I don't know who I am. Some people may read this and think I am making a big deal about everything. These are things that are swirling in my head right now. I like the adventure of life, but sometimes I wish I could push a button to slow things down.
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