On the 26th of December I got a few Rings from the jewelry store. Later, I met up with Sabrina and she came over to my house for a bit.
Yesterday, I did some Community Service hours at the Salvation Army. I had to hand out sandwiches, clean, and put away dishes. It really wasn't that hard.
Later, I went with Ashleigh to a Record Store. I got 4 CD's. Nine Inch Nails, Orgy, No Doubt, and Eve 6. The only one I heard the whole CD before was No Doubt. On Christmas I got a few CD's also (Matchbox 20, BareNaked Ladies, Etc.) Ashleigh and I went to a thrift store to look for some clothes.
I then went to work at the Pizza place. I came home and watched a movie. I woke up early this morning. I'm just going to listen to music till I have to go do more Community Service hours.
Written Later:
I did some Community Service at a Nursing Home. We mostly just wheeled the people into a presentation and back. Jesse, Kayla, and Chu "Little Man" were there too.
I feel like I've been through a lot in my life. I don't care if not as bad as some people I know. Like Chu who has been in Gang Wars and gotten shot. I feel like the people in this town are bad influences. I don't want to be by it anymore. I'm only going to get into trouble here if I stay here. Pick the wrong people to talk to. Pick the wrong guy to be with. I guess that can happen anywhere. I just think things would be better if I got out of this small little town.
I'm losing it. I still haven't heard from Jake. It's been over a week since we talked. I don't feel good unless I see him. I wish that I could just forget him, but I love him somehow. I feel whole when I'm with him. He makes me want to live. I need him now for that reason. I don't know what to do about it. I think I should find another guy that is more "available", but I still want Jake. Why? I can't really fully explain it. I just really like him. I've never felt this strongly about any guy before. He's like a drug for me.
Written Later:
I called Kristi. She's been drinking a lot. Like 4 of them get together and call it a "Little Party". Jake is "partying" too. Since he's 21 he's been going to the bars. I said that I thought he couldn't drink because of being on probation. She said that he wasn't getting caught. I think he used to be an alcoholic.
Many people at my age drink. I would probably die if I drank too much. I'm on pills for depression. Alcohol shouldn't mix too much with the pills.
Sam drank too much on Prozac once at a party. She only had two wine coolers and passed out she told me.
I don't want that to happen to me. I turn down a lot of alcohol. I would rather smoke pot anyway. I don't get offered it as much as alcohol. I haven't smoked in 2 months. I should try to go as long as I can without it. I think that pot is so much better than alcohol. They really should legalize it. I feel so good when I'm high on pot. I never thought I would like it. At first I just wanted to fit in with a group of people, but now I want it. I wish I didn't want pot, but it's too late since I know how good it makes me feel.I have mixed feelings about pot because I've read that kids who smoke in high school have trouble with their grades. And it's said to kill brain cells which can make you more stupid. I will try to stay off it while I can. It sucks that people like alcohol more. I just think that alcohol is so much worse than pot. There are so many bars here. People my age go up to the bluff and throw parties. Not to mention all the house parties that go on.
I'm probably never going to get to see Jake because he's probably having too much fun drinking at the bars. I'm not patient. I want a good guy now. I may never find one.
I hate what alcohol does to people. Guys beat up their wives, people get into car accidents, people vomit and have hangovers, and people do STUPID things. Please God don't let me marry an alcoholic! Sometimes I think that I should never get married because I might make a big mistake and it might be hard to get away from him. I could really love the guy, but he could be really bad and I should leave him. I never want to be in a situation like that. I'm really scared of that happening. I wish I could have a boyfriend now.
What if I'm 40 years old and still looking for that right guy? Or what if I look my whole life? There are plenty of people that aren't married and are older. Will that be me? Will no one want me? Or will guys like me and I pick all the wrong ones? Maybe I should just stay single and not worry about the future with guys. What do you think?
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