This is the start of Journal #3
I thought that Cory just liked me as a friend, ya know? But you see I can't have guys as friends because they usually end up liking me. I really wish I could have a guy be my good friend. And they usually are still my friend, but I know they like me so it feels different. I don't know what's going to happen when I'm with Cory. I really don't like him more than a friend, but we will see how I feel.
I really wish I hadn't lost Jon's #! It makes me mad because I never lose people's numbers. It was my coat pocket and somehow it fell out. I really used to like him. I hope I see him working at the store gas station again! I don't want to have to ask for his number again!
I was on the phone a lot last tonight! I talked to my friend Sabrina. I also talked to my friend Andrea and she said that this girl Tamara was wondering where I was. I called her too. Tamara thought that I had gotten pregnant or something. I told her that I was still a virgin. She told me that she lost hers at 15. She is 17 like me now. I told her that that I'm on Homebound Schooling where a teacher brings school work to your house. It's because I was too depressed to go to school and a Truant Officer kept coming to get me to go to school.
Back to Cory, we talked about how he used to get into a lot of trouble before. There was this one night when Sam's ex boyfriend Ryan went with Cory and some other people to drink. I was invited, but I didn't go. Cory said he asked Sam if she liked Ryan and she said no. Cory thought that Sam liked him because it seemed like she was flirting with him. He thinks he could have made-out with her that night. Sam never told me that she liked Cory. I think that Sam and Cory are just big flirts. Cory says he flirts with a lot of girls. Cory thinks that Sam is a little slutty. I'm sure she has had sex with more than 8 guys. Sam told me that Cory acts different when he is drunk and tries to get with every girl. I don't talk to Sam anymore. If she calls I'm going to tell her not to call again. Sam and I have a long history. Ashleigh told me that she was saying bad stuff about me. I know that Sam lies a lot.
Well, today has been pretty boring. A teacher named Mr. Fuss called and said there might be an opening for School within a School. When I go back to school I will be in it. I wonder what people think happened to me. I've been out of school since November and it's now January. I'm going to miss people that I used to have regular classes with who I was friends with.
It's my time of the month. I was watching a soap opera on TV and it made me start crying. I just feel alone. Sometimes I wonder if I push people away. I don't seem to do it as much anymore. Sometimes I think that people don't like me. I really want to have love for myself so that I can feel loved by other people. I'm just so depressed.
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