I really hate when I think of the past and wish I could have said or done something differently. It makes me so mad because I can't forget it. The thing that happened is over and I can't change it now. Why do I keep dwelling on stuff that I did in the past? I do it all the time and it drives me crazy!
I can't stop thinking about Jake. I miss him. I really wish that he wouldn't have come back into my life if he was just going to pop out of it again. I was almost over him and then he had to call me. Now I haven't heard from him and I don't know what I'm supposed to feel or think. I don't even know why I like him so much. I need another really cool guy to make me forget Jake.
I remember "Pretty Boy" almost made me forget about Jake. He was the Best Kisser and the cutest guy I've kissed. When he asked if we wanted to see each other of course I said Yes! The next day I realized I really liked Jake more. I know there will be plenty more guys I like, but somehow it's still going to be hard to forget about Jake. I've kissed other guys after Jake, but he never leaves my mind. I didn't think I would see him again. He said he thought about me. He thought I would have wrote him a letter in jail.
Written Later:
I'm listening to Eve 6 right now. I looked at the calendar and I figured out that Jake and I haven't seen Jake in 2 weeks. Is he out of my life again? What is he doing? Is he just out drinking all the time? Does he even think about me? Will he ever want to see me again? And if he does, how long will it be this time before I see him? He goes back to jail in the middle of January for 3 months. Will I even want to see him when he gets out of jail? Do I really want to see him now? Yes, but I'm confused. I really think I should forget him, but you know I can't. If he called right now and wanted to see me, I doubt I would say no. How far would it go? I think I've gotten over wanting to have sex with him. Ok... not totally, but I wouldn't do it. You can think I'm immature or whatever. I'm just scared to go all the way with a guy. I know so many people that started having sex as young as 14. I really shouldn't worry about all the people I know that have had sex before me, Losing your virginity only happens once. I guess I just wonder why I haven't done it yet. Sometimes I feel ready and then other times I don't . Is there something wrong with me? Will I always be scared? I don't know how to feel about this.
No comments:
Post a Comment