I just checked my temperature and it's 99.8. I guess I'm still sick. I'm so mad that I'm still sick!
In the morning I told Jan (My home bound school teacher) not to come. I didn't do any work and I felt sick. She had work for me, but I told her not to bring it.
Why am I telling you boring stuff? Well, nothing big has happened and I want to tell you everything.
I tried to call Kristi, but she wasn't home. I wanted to see if she talked to Jake because I haven't seen him since Sat. Today is his birthday. He's now 21 years old.
Written later...
I just read something more about sex in "Life Strategies for Teens" book. It made me think I should wait a little longer to have sex. Almost all 13-18 year old teenagers who did in Jr. High or Highschool regretted it.
Quote from the book: "Everyone was doing it, and I thought we were in Love!"
I know lot's of people my age having sex. My mom even admitted that when she was in Highschool all her friends were not virgins. Ashleigh told me she was brought up to have sex when you are ready for the consequences like having a baby. If your're not ready to have a baby than you shouldn't have sex. She said something like that.
I already told you what Sabrina thinks of Jake having sex with 13 girls at 21 years old. My friend Danielle told everyone that she was going to have sex after her Highschool Graduation. People said you will before that, and she did. She lost it her Junior year.
I was brought up that you should wait till marriage to have sex. Well, my mom admitted that she wasn't married when she had sex. I really don't know what to think. I want to have sex now, but I feel like something is pulling me back from doing it.
My mom admitted that her first french kiss was her freshman year of Highschool. I'm still wondering how old she was when she lost her virginity. I'm so curious. I was determined to do the same, but it didn't work out that way. In fact my first french kiss was from a girl at the end of my Sophomore year. A week later I then made out with a guy. Finally the mystery of it was gone. I'm still bothered by the fact that it took me so long to experience it while everyone I know was younger than me when they did it. Everyone says that I'm so pretty. So I can't figure out why it took me so long.
In middle school I was really unpopular with the guys. The boyfriend I did have was 12/13 years old. I asked him if he wanted to french kiss me and he said no. He was still a boy. Then my freshman year I went away to a religious boarding school. My friends lived in dorms separated into guys and girls. I had two boyfriends that year, but each lasted about a week. I kissed guys, but it was just for fun. I was just too afraid to slip them the tongue. My Sophomore year I went to a Catholic school. The guy I picked to be my boyfriend ended up being gay. So he definitely didn't give me any tongue action. In the end I guess it makes sense why I didn't french kiss till I was 16 years old.
I want to lose my innocence, but then I think maybe it's not so bad to be innocent.
Written later...
I'm wondering how long I can hold out until I have sex. The thing is that I'm scared. And if you dig even deeper you will find out that a part of me still doesn't trust Jake. What I want to know is what Jake was thinking when he called me 2 weeks ago now. He came back to me. Yeah, technically I came to him, but he wanted me at Kristi's house. He was the one that pulled me onto his lap after he asked for a hug. He kissed me. I wasn't chasing after him, he was chasing after me! You could say, "You could have gotten off his lap." I honestly don't know how easy it would have been to get away from him. It was a reclining chair and it was tilted back. He had a hold on me too. Do you really think he would have let me go if I tried? Then you could say, "You didn't pull away when he kissed you!" Yeah, I didn't. He surprised me with that! I didn't know he was going to kiss me!
O.k.!!! I will admit it! I didn't want to pull away away from his kisses!
I kind of think that a relationship with Jake wouldn't go very far. He's always living with Bridgette. Her mom must say something to him. I think he listens to her because she is as close to a mom that he's had.
I should probably be careful that I don't get hurt by him. He seems to lose interest in girls fast. I'll explain. You see I remember seeing him make-out with this girl Dayna one night that Samantha and I snuck out. A few days later Jake and I made-out and he stopped talking to Dayna. This girl Dayna was really mad at me, but we later became friends. At the time Jake told me that "our relationship" was different than theirs. I just met Kristina that had sex with him a long time ago. When I asked Jake about her his response was that she's "Nasty"! From what I saw of Jake and Bridgette, Jake wasn't that nice to her. Jake says that she's "Crazy"! The question is: "Am I different?"
I don't know if I told you this or not, but Jake described 3 types of sex: 1. Fucking - Don't know eachother 2. Just Sex 3. Real Love Sex
As for us it would just be Sex. I know he doesn't Love me.
No comments:
Post a Comment