I'm close to tears right now. I feel like life just passes me by. It keeps going and doesn't stop.
Last night I went with Sabrina and her boyfriend to High Rollers. I met a lot of people. Her boyfriend's name is Jordan. It was his Birthday and he had a huge cake. I met Dish. She used to go out with Jake (you know how I'm talking about). I meat Sandy and Steve. Also. Saw Dustin again from school.
I really can't roller skate very well! I felt kind of dumb. Sabrina told George to come when she saw him at school. She said he just looked at her. He didn't come. I wish I could just talk to him to break up. There is no point if we don't talk or see each other.
I want to be able to flirt right now and not be attached to anyone. It's easier that way I think. You can get hurt easier if you run around kissing guys. It won't mean anything. I just haven't met a guy that I can pout my heart and soul out to or who I'm really attracted to. It's kind of frustrating, because in a way Jake was like that. He never really broke up with Bridgette. Then when my back was turned he had sex with Summer. So even though he could be sweet, exciting, fun, listened to me, made me laugh, I was attracted to him, and so on I could never trust him.
I have to make myself forget about Jake. I have to forget Josh too who made me laugh and I told everything to. I also have to forget about Eric who I had deep conversations with. All of them had their bad qualities and made mistakes.
So I'm really searching for a really great guy. The good news is that I've had a small variety of guys. That means that I know what qualities I like and don't like. And maybe some day I will find a guy that I like. Wish me luck, ok? I'm going to need it. I'm going to be more picky when it comes to guys. That doesn't mean that I will always flirt with great guys!
I'm scared of the future. I really don't understand why I'm on this dumb world. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I also never want to get married. I think I will have less problems if I don't.
Soon I'm going to be 17 years old. I hope that next year is better. I don't know if I could handle another year like this.
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