It's been such a roller coaster

March 8th

It's been about a month since I wrote. I think I should try to tell you everything. I wish I would have written in here when I started my Sophomore year of high school. It all seemed new and exciting in the beginning. I met Steve and he wrote me an email telling me that he liked me. On Sept. 15th we were "going out". I got a lot of crap for it because people thought he was gay. But they soon stopped when he told on them. I had so much fun with him! At the end of October we broke up. We didn't talk again till December.

In November nothing really happened till the end of the month. Corey and Aaron were they guys I met on the bikes over the summer. They called me and said they lost my number and just found it.
At Thanksgiving I had tons of family there. I had a lot of fun with my cousin Carl and his friend Mohammed. They took me to a bar so they could play pool. I had to convince them to let me in! Those two are so funny! One day all the family was gone and I was by myself. Corey and Aaron came over.  They didn't stay long.

Days passed and it was my 16th Birthday. Nothing too special happened. Steve talked to me again on my Birthday or we could say that he stopped ignoring me.

This guy Chris goes to the Sylvan Learning Center (They are helping me with me Math). I told him I knew Aaron. He ended up buying my number from Aaron for a dollar. He really likes me. Chris was annoying as hell and I finally got him to stop calling me. Aaron stopped calling too. They both got mad because I wouldn't go out with them. Also, my mom listened in on a conversation and thought Chris was masturbating while he was on the phone with me so she told him to stop calling me.
Christmas and New Years pass. I talked to Josh over the phone. I went back to school like I was supposed to. Then I started skipping again.

In January my mom took me to the hospital because she thought I was depressed.  I went to the psych ward for 5 days.  They held me there for evaluation. They put me on Wellbrutrin. and I feel a little better. I hated being so depressed. Some days I still feel sad. I still talk to Eric and Jake from the hospital. Jake has tried to commit suicide since then and was hospitalized 2 weeks ago.

On Valentine's Day this guy David gave me a flower and a cupcake. He had a note attached saying he was looking forward to seeing me that Friday. I went to this Dance Club on Friday and he was there. Jenny and Steve brought me there. I was so mad because they ditched me and were practically dirty dancing. I was so disgusted. I saw Katie. She was my mentor. She was cool, but she ended up ignoring me too to talk to her friend that I didn't know.Meanwhile, David's friends were trying to get me to talk to him. I did a little bit, but I just felt kind of alone there. I didn't feel like I fit in there. I wasn't as fun as I thought it was going to be. David ended up driving me home. I heard that Jenny and Steve are "going out" now.

The next day I went over to Jake's house. We watched a movie called "Ten things I hate about you". I was a good movie. I met some of Jake's friends.
The next day I didn't go to school and they kicked me out. It was a Catholic High School and they don't stand for truancy. I go to a Public High School now. I like it better in a way. I'm really good friends with Whitney now.  She is bi-sexual and sometimes I feel weird around her.  She is really cool. She has short blue hair. She told me that she was in the Psych Ward before too. I've only been at the school for a week and a half.

Now I want to tell you about my Dad. He recently got the letter I sent in January. I gave him my email address. He sent me an email on Monday. He said he will be in New Jersey on March 15th. This was a big shock to me. His last letter was asking me if I wanted to come visit him in Germany and why he couldn't come to the states. I haven't seen him since I was 10 years old. He is being deported from Germany for not having a Visa to be there. I'm nervous to see him again.

This year has not started good. I've had so many changes. I feel like I'm always scared since this year started. A lot of my friends seem depressed right now. It's been such a roller coaster. I can say that now that I've been on one! I'm so scared of my next "drop" in my life.